Thoughts For Your Hole- Parental Advisory – Explicit F-cking Content by Smith Q. Johns

Parental Advisory

Photo by Katie Sox

One time many centuries ago, long before MLA format was respectable, I was studying up on Al Gore and got distracted by the part about Parental Advisory warnings.

I honestly can’t remember where I found it but somewhere deep in the catacombs of the “Parental Advisory” Google Search and after reading many great quotes about the silliness of the infamous warning label, I found this quote from a non-famous nobody that I thought best summed up the whole ordeal. I copied the post with plans to show the world sometime.

Now is that TIME. Here is the quote:

“Back in the day seeing that sticker was an instant “buy me now!!!” for all the high schoolers. It would have been far more effective to put on stickers that said “Tipper Gore thinks this album is rad to the max!!””

I remember learning this same concept as a youngster. I was safely in my white neighborhood when white people started getting upset about black people cursing and I just wished I was cool enough to get my hands on one those albums.

I also remember reading somewhere (a few places actually) how for many performers the “warning label” was a blessing in disguise and actually increased sales, sometimes ridiculously.

And warning labels for music are still in full effect. This means that the  Christians know what to keep their kids from listening to, but what about the rest of us?

There’s NO warning label against sh-tty music.

There’s no label that says, “Warning: This Is Not Worth Your Time And Money And Was Made By Rich Burnt-Out Former-Artists That Are Just Fulfilling Their Contract With The Record Company.”

There’s no label that says, “Warning: This Band Was Hugely Influenced By ________ (insert the name of a sh-tty band that any respectable person hates).”

There’s also no label that says, “Warning: This Band Is Famous Because They Are Good Looking And Not Because They Are In Any Way Creative Or Interesting.”

Nor is there one that states, “Warning: This Was Made By The Whitest Motherf-cker On The Planet.”

These are all legitimate labels and think how much time and money we all could have saved if there were proper warnings on things. And why aren’t there labels like these? There are more albums that fit in the aforementioned categories than albums that have “f-cking sh-tty sh-ts” and other swear words in them.

The simple answer to the question is that we suck. The complicated answer to that question would still start off with how we suck but then it would be followed by 7,000 pages of excruciating detail about why exactly we suck.

Unfortunately it’s all up to a small group of rich white people. But rich white people LOVE listening to the whitest motherf-cker on the planet that in no way is creative or interesting, so it isn’t likely these things will change, at least soon.

Conclusion:

What if while I was writing this Al and Tipper Gore drove by blaring some really profane music and then said something really profane and then drove off? What if Kanye did a concept album and it featured Tipper Gore?

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