Thoughts For Your Hole- I Hate Alec Trebek by Smith Q. Johns

by Katya Magia

Drawing by Katya Magia

The reason I like Jeopardy is because I’m dumb and want to not be dumb, and watching the show is kind of like studying… to not be dumb; but without opening stupid books or anything.

That being said I would just like to say one tiny little thing about something I don’t like about the show: the host, Alec “Turd-Stache” Trebek. And by the way it has nothing to do with the many stories of him being a turd or the video I saw of him being a turd or because of his turd-stache or anything like that.
Speaking of turds though, all the evidence that is needed is in the 30 plus years of footage that has been easily available to us for (obviously) decades now. And by that I mean EVERY SINGLE SHOW.

There are two main reasons I don’t like him, but I’m sure if I was his roommate or something I could come up with a couple dozen/hundreds more.

First off, whenever someone answers a question incorrectly on the show he frequently and condescendingly tells the guest what the correct answer is. But he does it in this tone as if to say, “How do you not know this answer? Jesus, COME on.” He corrects them each time as if he knew all the answers and wasn’t just reading them. But I guarantee you he couldn’t mustache his way through a paper bag. Or… whatever.

I would just love to see him on a quiz show, nightly, instead of being a host. Just him failing every night as a contestant (I think I might send that idea into Black Mirror, by the way). That’s all I think about every time he looks at a contestant as if they’re pathetic. All I want is to be in his shoes and be the host while he gets every question wrong. “Sorry, Alec, that it is incorrect. Jesus, COME on.

The second thing I loathe about him is when Alec talks to each contestant and lets them say one interesting thing about themselves. And it’s always some really dumb and boring thing the talk about but Alec always looks at them like “God, you’re crazy.” (Which one, those contestants must be boring as fuck or, they’re liars because I don’t believe that’s the most interesting anecdote that a respectable individual could come up with.)

My dream is that I am the host on this show where Alec is always the failing contestant and every night I get to ask him to tell something about himself and instead I just show videos of him being an asshole. And then I look at him like, “God, you’re crazy.”

Alex basically has two chances to converse with others on the show and fails at NOT sucking EACH of those two times. And he’s done it on a daily basis for decades now. Yet he still has a job and fans and money and doesn’t get fired. Yes, I’m jealous as f-ck.

And that’s why I hate Alec “Turd” Trebek.

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