Death Spares Me (In One Sentence)

Pretentious Pastries by Alexandria M. Powell

Illustration by Alexandria M. Powell

And so then I get a cup of coffee with Death and it feels awkward but I fake it because I feel I owe him for sparing me like, every day, and I even buy him a croissant for the road but it turns out to be dry and he looks sad and have you seen Death sad surprisingly it’ll melt your heart so I get him some other pretentious French pastry that is actually not made in house with a French recipe but a cheap knockoff mass produced and frozen and knowing that death has traveled the world I’m scared he will know the difference but instead Death tears up and tells me that no one has ever bought him a pretentious French pastry before and then it gets even more awkward JESUS, Death, seriously, I have to go now but I don’t say it to him like that I politely say I have to go to my kid’s soccer game and to hit me up when he’s in the area and I give him a hug and say goodbye and I sincerely thank him and get the hell out of there, sheesh.

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