This is the best rejection letter I’ve ever gotten for a writing submission. I feel weird sharing this because I don’t like to brag, but I think you’ll appreciate it, especially you other talented writers out there:
“It’s too GOOD. It’s just too damn GOOD. You will end up making everyone else look like an asshole with all your WORDS and your BRILLIANTNESS. We are just the New Yon
ker, a simple magazine, and yet you expect us to print this MAGIC? We don’t print work from SUPER GENIUSES. You’re a dick for even sending us something this AMAZING because you know that we have to still pay you anyway, just as a gift for letting us read it and as a request to never send us something so FANTASTIC.
You know that the only outlet for this is that you not only make a book but write an entire series. Obviously they will adapt it to film and it will be STUPENDOUS and win an Oscar, but the real fans will praise the book. You’re a piece of sh-t for sending us this. Enclosed are the undergarments of five of our staff members you miserable a–hole. You’ve driven us mad. Even as I write this I am undressing myself and I don’t really know what’s going on.
Next time you better think twice before making an entire company drool over you’re already CLASSIC work. Please go f-ck yourself. Keep your SPECTACULARNESS to yourself. We will not be printing it!”
Oh my god, can you believe it? They are so rude.