Thoughts For Your Hole- “Instead Of….” by Smith Q. Johns

by Sarah Loop

Drawing by Sarah Loop

I think the names of pretty much all churches are god awful stupid (no offense God) but I think Church of Christ, Scientist is one of my favorite ones. I bet if I were to walk into the church building that it would just be a tiny lab with Jesus in a white lab coat messing with a Bunsen burner and a beaker.

“Oh, hey, Smith (he knows my name of course), yeah come on in, I’m just finishing up this experiment,“ he talks really slowly, “changing hydrochloric acid into wine.”

Of course, scientifically that doesn’t work so he says screw it and just does it magically. But we have a good laugh and get drunk and then he flashes me with his lab coat, but instead of genitalia he has a glowing orb. I notice a surfboard in the background. The place is very clean, but my eyes keep going back to the orb.

It still glows…

And that’s why I’m converting to Scientist.

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