Thoughts For Your Hole- The Top 25 Things Your Girlfriend Wants to do in Bed but is Afraid to Ask by Smith Q. Johns

Top 25

Photo by Caroline Smith

The Top 25 Things Your Girlfriend Wants to do in Bed but is Afraid to Ask

1.Wear camouflage
2. “Spongebob Squarepants it”
3. Hell’s Angels dress up night but with no pants and no killing Rolling Stones fans (Motorcycles Included)
4. Hollywood and Vine, Carpe Diem, Acuna Matata
5. Jump out of a five story window (and on to your You Know What)
6. Bury a hamster
7. See the 7 Wonders of the World (with her hand in your pants)
8. Go scuba diving (with a wedgie)
9. Watch goats breed (in lingerie)
10. High five a dolphin (with your Privates)
11. Make a porno together with parakeets while singing show tunes
12. Subway
13. Bus Line 6
14. Islam
15. Al Bundy
16. Al Qaeda
17. Have sex
18. For you to act like a coward
19. Dress as Al Bundy in camouflage that has Special Holes
20. Get naked with lights dimmed
21. Cut a large hole in the waterbed, crawl in it and wrestle
22. Invite aunts and uncles that aren’t related by blood to watch
23. Parachute over your neighbor’s house, pee on them and zip up before you land
24. Touch each other in Bathing Suit Areas for approximately 10 minutes
25. Find an Elderly Couple from Church, go to their house and hook-up in their bathroom and all over their doilies
26. Get a bunch of flowers, poop on them, mix them with the flowers, put it all in a blender, put it on a painting and draw hearts with it. Hang it above your bed and cuddle.
27. Learn how to count together dressed as Sexy Vampires
28. Juggle phalluses
29. Have surgery and get an Extra Testicle
30. Both dress up as Arnold Schwarzenegger and both act like him and then kiss and quote his movies while 69ing and wearing mustaches
31. Eat a popsicle seductively in Central Park on the coldest day of the year
32. Go skiing with Special Outfits that have Special Holes in them that cause those Special Extremities to almost get frostbitten and then go People Watching and warm up with some hot cocoa wearing same outfits at an Organic Grocery Store frequented by Yoga Moms
33. Role Play as Home Improvement’s Wilson and Al Borland with a fence in between and no undergarments

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