Thoughts For Your Hole by Smith Q. Johns


By Alexandria Powell

Excerpts from The Big Book of Dying Wishes

I don’t often review books but I found this to be such a touching display of the dark and sad. Below are some of my favorite snippets. (Grab a Kleenex)

“Man this new smart phone blows. I regret nothinggggggg…”

“It’s hard to be straight with all these gays gaying around everywhere. Please give my belongings to the homeless, but not the queerish ones. (And double check to make sure. You know what I mean.) Sincerely, Me…”

“Wahhh, my parents won’t let me be on the phone all of the time. Guess I’ll go buy a few hookers and do blow off of their chests before drowning myself in this $80,000 indoor pool of my parents. Please kill a homeless person in my remembrance. Love and peace to all…”

“There is too much nudity on the Internet and I can’t stop buying Canadian Viagra and masturbating. Thanks a lot Al Gore! Please give my Canadian Viagra to the homeless, but not the queerish ones. Please donate the rest of my money to the National Committee against Masturbation and Fun (or NaCAMF).”

“It’s hard for us rich hardworking people to survive with all of these immigrants. How will we be able to pay for our sports cars and condos? Thanks a lot Al Gore! Once I’m dead please make sure that no one under these categories are given our incredibly expensive belongings: poor persons, anyone living in poverty, or anyone that would even talk to someone of the lower class. Must provide evidence that you aren’t a lazy fuck… ”

“Now that my parents won’t give me money I have to get a job, and now I have like, NO time to take selfies. It’s like I’m a slave. Please give my straight belongings to my straight friends, and my gay belongings to my gay friends. Please save nothing for the homeless except my Canadian Viagra…”

“My entire family died in a car crash. Even more importantly my face is ugly now and no one will date me. Thanks a lot Al and Tipper Gore! PS. Learn how to drive! PPS. This Canadian Viagra is doing nothing for my pain. Hopefully you will find me in more than four hours so my erection will be gone. If not, this is your last chance ladies!”

Doesn’t your heart just break for these poor souls? If you love these little bits from the book, then surely you will like the entire thing. But remember don’t read it unless you’re ready to cry a bucket load of tears.

For more Al Gore bashing go to:

For more info on Canadian Viagra, please check your junk email.

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