What Type of Thing Are You?

img017(Illustrations by Alice, age 4.)

Have you always wondered what type of thing you are? Record your answers to the following quiz and tally up your scores at the end to find out!

1. Your answer to this question is:
a. The answer that sounds like me.
b. The answer that sounds like what façade I present to the world.
c. The answer that doesn’t sound like me at all.
d. Something I tried once, but it wasn’t for me.

2. You would like to answer this question with:
a. Either this choice or the next one. Really, it depends on the situation.
b. The answer I think will give me the test result I’m gaming for.
c. Definitely not this answer.
d. This one only in certain rare circumstances where chocolate is involved.

3. If presented with this question, you would choose:
a. The answer I would actually do.
b. The answer that sounds like something a badass would do.
c. Something that makes no sense.
d. This answer or the one before it. Because sometimes c and sometimes d.

4. If you were to find yourself in a certain situation, then you would:
a. Do the thing that I would do.
b. Be the hero.
c. Cry.
d. Probably not know what to do.

5. How would you react to finding out your best friend was a certain way?
a. I would act as I do when I find out about such things.
b. I would be a badass.
c. I would be very accepting of whatever, because, whatever. You know?
d. It depends.

6. If you were walking down the sidewalk and something happened, then you would:
a. React according to my standard programming.
b. Wrestle that something to the ground. Like a badass.
c. Give it a flower to make it feel special.
d. Keep walking.

Tally up your scores as follows: Add 3 for every “a” answer, 2 for every “b,” 1 for every “c,” and 0 for “d.”


If your total is between 15 and 18: You are the thing which you know yourself to be. Because you are this thing, you answered the questions exactly as the thing would and hence the answers you gave form the description of what the thing is. Shocked? Right.



If your total is between 10 and 14: You are trying to game the system, yo. You’re the reasons these tests are imperfect. This is all your fault. You’ve supplied answers to make it give you something you could impress others with. Look at you! You’re secretly a badass! Right. Either that, or you’re a mix between the thing you know yourself to be and an indecisive mother fucker.




If your total is between 5 and 9: Then you’ve just been randomly clicking shit in order to see what sort of result you might get by chance alone. Or you think you’re some fancy pants nice person. They’re both kind of the same thing.



If your total is between 0 and 4: Then you’re an indecisive mother fucker. Why did you even bother?


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