Thoughts For Your Hole by Smith Q. Johns

Just the Facts

I’m a fact collector, that’s what I do. So here are interesting ones that you should know:


By Eddie Knight

-There are two types of people: Those who think a population of 7 BILLION can be divided into two distinct groups, and those who do not.

-Since I was born, just over 35 years ago, the population has risen almost 100 million. That’s approximately 90 million more assholes than prior to my birth (according to my calculation).

-In 1850, New York was already bigger than Portland, OR is now. Meaning (somewhere along the way) there was a ratio of approximately one microbrewery to every four Don Corleone bagels.

-In New York alone, about 77 kajillion bagels are made yearly. That’s 77 kajillion holes.

-Did you know? The world’s first dildo factory was actually a toy factory that just made bananas, sausages, baseball bats and sausage bats? Bored employees began putting these products in various places and thus realized the true potential of a plastic banana. (Coincidentally this also occurred in Poland and was also how bagels began to have holes in them.)

-Did you know that butts and orgasms were invented in the same year?

-Did you know that women that mix it up in the bedroom have more frequent orgasms?
(You hear that ladies? Get your mixers out and do your cookie making in the bedroom.)

-Three things you probably didn’t know about facts:
1. Some are real
2. Some are almost real
3. Facts cannot be made up. They’re all on the Internet, all 77 kajillion.

For more info about butt-bagels and or facts, go to:

For more info about polishing holes, go to:

For more info about bananas/sausages/banana-sausages go to:


One thought on “Thoughts For Your Hole by Smith Q. Johns

  1. Wow, three websites that don’t actually exist. That’s impressive. I thought everything a person could think of had already been turned into a website.


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