Thoughts For Your Hole by Smith Q Johns

Smith Q. Johns has “decided” (see bio at the bottom of page for more info) to join the Blue Skirt ranks and write a regular column for us titled, “Thoughts For Your Hole.” Here is his first payment. I mean, offering.

Sometimes I think of other career paths I could take. And I make lists of ones that I just could NOT do. They look something like this:

trucker

“trucker” by Boby Used under CC BY-SA 2.0

1. Bus driver – wouldn’t be able to hold bowel movements for that long, responsible for too many lives
2. Doctor – hate blood/guts, would faint too much, not smart enough, like some scrubs but not most doctor outfits
3. Truck Driver – hate truck drivers (usually), would probably end up hating myself, would constantly ask boss to deliver things with my car, causing way more trips
4. Actor – limit of characters I can do, not actually talented, don’t want to be famous (famous people suck), poor memorization skills for dialogue that is longer than five words
5. Stripper – not a good dancer (by society’s standards), not into cocaine, not hours I want to work, not into bleaching any parts of my body, not as flexible as I’d like to be, I don’t care how many times you clean that pole it will not be sanitary enough for me, daddy issues not prevalent in my life
6. Stockbroker – don’t know anything about stocks and would be clueless still after a lifetime of training, as far as just
being a broker though I do like breaking thingsBy Tim Evanson from Washington, D.C., USA, United States of America [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)
7. Photographer of nude women – I’m sure there is a downside?
8. Fireman – don’t like fire
9. Policeman – don’t like police
10. Ambulance Driver – don’t like sirens
11. Lawyers – don’t like laws

Smith Q. Johns grew up with movies as his friends. Fried Green Tomatoes. He’s seen many a film adapted from books and read many books adapted from films (but not much else otherwise). Home Alone. He longs to be a horror/sci-fi short story writer. Magazines. He holds three English degrees, but due to a recent accident only remembers getting one of them (or one class actually). ENG 101. Thanks to the recent accident a recent mishap occurred with the police, and now he owes the kind folks of Blue Skirt for getting him out of trouble. NYPD Blue Skirts. In return he has promised to write his way out of this predicament. Miami Vice Season 3. His dream is to make mainstream soft porns in 3D. Cooter Davenport.

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